My Chemical Severus
by elrondistehrapist
Summary: Hello tis is the sequal to My Kemical Phantom! A relly HAWT gurl who is the twin sista of Keira Nightly showz up at Hogwartz cuz she is as smart as she is a HAWTIE. And then Severus Rape falls in luv w her. Can she change this stoopid emo looser?
1. Severus Rape  Evangelina 4 EVA!

AN: Hey guyz thankz so much for reviewin muh stories!!!! My Chemical Phantom got rly popluar so I decyded to bring back Evangelina and match her up with Prof Severus Rape. Ive been working rly hard on my writing skillz so I hope u guyz like this even more. Btw flamez are for looserz.

Hello my name is Evangelina Lilliana Destiny Devine. I am a 15 year old teenage girl and I go to Hogwarts. Ppl say I am really pretty and I think I agree. I am rly tall but not fugly tall like tyra Barks (cuz she's a DAWG) but hawt tall. My hair is rly long and blond like the color of snow or sunlite or sunlite on snow or snow on sunlite.

I dress rel prety to show off my big brests and my creemy white thighz. I do this cuz it helps makes me popular in skool w/ the boyz and teh professorz so I get RLY good grades. But that is becuz Im rly smart too!!!

i also have this rly skinny wayst and every1 sayz I look lyk Keira Nightly. I think we culd almost be twins x-cept shes' a Muggle and I'm a witch. but I think we r actual sisters tat have been separated for many yearz cuz i just look just lyk her only hawter cuz she haz a real fugly jaw and no boobz and my boobz are HUGE. Plus she was rly stoopid in tat movie Pride and Prejudick i mean wtf was up w/ that piece of SHIT????

People are always lyk..."Evangelina, you are so pretty you must be really dum! U should be a modal or sumthin!!!'

And I'm lyk "HEY STFU WE HAWT GURLZ CAN BE INTELEGENT 2!!!!111"

Ne way, I'm on the train to Hogwarts rite now sittin next to my BFF Shauniqua Loquacia Brown and were talkin about shit lyk how im not a racist or ne thang. U know? Ne way, this fugly beeyotch cum walkin by and shez lyk "Hello my name is Hermeony Granger. can we be friends? im kinda unpopular cuz I lyk to reed and I dont jigglez when ah wigglez.'

N THEN SHAUNIQUA GET OUT OF HER CHAIR AND SHE IS LYK "WTF YOU HO DON'T BE GETTIN UP ALL IN MY THANG WE AINT GONNA BE SEEN W/ THE LYKES OF YO SORRY WHITE ASS!!!!!!!!!1111"

im like 'yeah stfu lol!" and shaqua laffz and teh beeyotch runz off crying like a beeyotch

Sudenly i see this note fall into my lap and Im like OHMYGOD. i pull it open and read it.

I am a pawn, a usless being

Controlled by simpletons of greater power

No will have i,broken and beaten

A slug to follow the masters trail

Watch me as i grovel at your feet

Control my spinless whimpering body

Defeat my thoughts, my wishs and idea's

Punish me as i fall out of line

An empty shell, i am nothing

A slave

A drone

Your servant till death

You have destroyed my creative mind

to an empty

Barren

Wasteland

Forgotten.

LUV UR FUTURE PROF SEVERUS RAPE

'wtf?" sayz Shauniqua as she leanz over to read. "He must be my professor at Hogwarts," i sayz back. Sudenly I get tis really warm feling.

Culd this be luv?


	2. Evangelina is teh best!

AN: ok u peeps this is not a joke!! sumtimes my riting syle is real different becuz we r a pair of best frendz who rite together and we both try rly hard to make good storiez. All the hataz r jellus cuz we go were they wont and we r EDGY. u flamerz need to get a life u stooped jellus jooish hinies! N only RLY bad riters need spellcheck!!!

The train stopped and I knew we was there. "wtf?" said Shauniqua as she saw a large harry bastard coming by the train.

"ALRIGHT GET THE FUCK OFF THE TRAIN U MUTHAFUGGING DYKES!!' screemed Haggard the big ugly giant man (giants are FUGLY!!!!1). Shauniqua gave me a look and my shoulderz shrugged. We got off the train and suddenly these bigs black thingymabooberz swooped down from the blue sky!!!!!!

"oh shit!" yelled Hermeony, the fugly nerd who had been by earlier. "Itz teh Dementards!' She pissed her pantz and Shauniqua was getin rly scared too. I knew I had to something.

Stepping forward, I pullz out my gun and shot the Dementards till they were DEAD. I no how to use a gun becuz my family grew up in the projecktz and a gurl always needz to protect herself, yeah muh sistahz? Ne way, my aim is purrfect and I shot them all right through the fugging head! 

"OHMYGOD!" sayz hermeony, "U R SOOOOO BRAVE!" Everyone around me now thinkz I am so cool and all that. I bet Prof Rape will be rly impresed. Now I am a hero and they lift me up onto they're shoulders and carry me inside!

"hi," said a smoking hawt boy. Evangelina lookz at him and he blushes. "I is Harry Potter. 'U r rly kewl. I cant believe how brave u r! Wuld u lyk to go out sumtime w/ me?"

"Harry you bitch!" says a fugly redhead boy, tears forming in his incandescent eyez.

"Ok!" I answer. This was gonna be a GRRREAT year! Oh here is a song I lyk……….

And if they get me and the sun goes down into the ground

And if they get me take this spike to my heart and

And if they get me and the sun goes down

And if they get me take this spike and

You put the spike in my heart

And if the sun comes up will it tear the skin right off our bones

And then as razor sharp white teeth rip out our necks I saw you there

Someone get me to the doctor, someone get me to a church

Where they can pump this venom gaping hole

And you must keep your soul like a secret in your throat

And if they come and get me

What if you put the spike in my heart

And if they get me and the sun goes down

And if they get me take this spike and

(Come on!)


End file.
